


Sanctuary

by kapusyawan



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Adulthood, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Goodbyes, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Moving, a bit cliche tbh, no beta we die like zagreus, they are mere mortals with mortal feelings here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29919393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kapusyawan/pseuds/kapusyawan
Summary: In this little corner of their neighborhood, Thanatos wept three times. And each time, he remembered vividly.
Relationships: Ares/Thanatos (Hades Video Game), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 42





	Sanctuary

Somewhere past their dainty house, approaching the outskirts of the forest, there was a place Thanatos often visited. Among the things in this little corner were an old pomegranate tree and an abandoned winged sculpture that’s been consumed by overgrowth. In addition, calming silence and comforting air. When he and his friend Zagreus first discovered it during a detour, they felt as if they’d unearthed some rare treasure. And rightfully so, because everytime they were in this corner, they felt like princes—gods, even—overseeing their humble domain.

But in this same place where he would go to feel like an eternal, infallible god, basked in the gold of the sunset it allowed him to see, Thanatos also allowed himself to be vulnerable. Here in this little corner, he had wept exactly three times, and each of those times he remembered vividly.

* * *

The first time was when Zagreus said goodbye. He was nineteen, and Zag seventeen, about to enter university. Not the same one he went to, though.

They had snuck out to this little corner at four in the morning, a few hours before Zagreus and his family were due to leave. They had been planning to move for months because of his father’s work, and Thanatos never thought the day would arrive. Zagreus didn’t talk a lot about it himself; and Thanatos understood. He knew he didn’t want to. So when the time finally came for goodbye, they realized neither of them were prepared for it. It turned out there was much to be said, but now with so little time.

“Um, I thought I’d give you something to remind you of ... well, here.” He pulled a dainty mouse-shaped figure, which the other boy immediately recognized.

“Mort?? Wait, are you really? But he’s so special to you!”

_... Not as much as you are to me,  _ he thought. But he didn’t say it out loud, because at the time, he was afraid of what Zag would say. Or what he wouldn’t.

“It’s the least I can do,” Thanatos replied as a bashful smile formed on his lips. They twitched, and he hoped Zag didn’t notice. Zagreus giggled, and tucked Mort away in his pocket. He shifted his legs a bit on the dirt and let out a sigh. He pursed his lips, searching for words.

“I know we might still see each other someday, but ... I’ll miss you.”

_ ‘... I’ll miss you.’ _

Upon hearing that, Thanatos jolted. He sheepishly returned the sentiment to Zag, and repeated it in his head. Over and over.

_ I’ll miss you too. I’ll miss you. So much. I’ll miss you, Zag. You don’t even know— _

He then starts to feel sensations all too familiar - a knot in his stomach, followed shortly by tears welling up. He had gone through this many times before, in his other moments of loneliness and hopelessness. Though they were always to himself, never in front of his dearest friend.

He always felt the need to make himself reliable and strong in front of Zag. But now, at the dawn of his last day in their little neighborhood - where they spent the last 14 years together - he felt like a house of cards caught in his friend’s tempest. He sat there helplessly and just ... let the tears flow.

“Than, are you crying?” A shaken Zagreus asked.

Than didn’t respond.  _ Yes I am, dumbass,  _ he just thought.  _ No one told me it was going to be this painful. Is it even supposed to be this painful? Tsch. Whatever. _

“I’m sorry.” Zagreus turned to wrap himself around Thanatos’ trembling form. He pulled him closer, hoping the warmth would ease him. “I said I’d never do anything to make you cry, yet ... here we are. I’m so sorry.”

Thanatos was silent, only able to muster muffled sobs and little gasps of air between them. His limbs felt frail in Zag’s arms, his breath strained despite their gentle grip. They remained like this for some time, with Zagreus occasionally caressing his friend’s back. The sky’s hue changed in the meantime, and when he looked up, he found himself on the verge of tears as well.

Hoping to stop them from falling, he broke the silence. “Hey Than, visit this place every once in a while for me, if that’s okay?”

A weary-looking Thanatos looked up and nodded, wiping his face with his sleeve. He planned to anyway. This little corner of town was their haven since childhood. It was their little secret from the rest of the world.

_ Of course,  _ he thought.  _ Of course. _

He wanted to lean in, to kiss Zagreus. To just hold him and let the world carry on without them. But the lump in his throat and the buzzing in his head made it difficult to act, to think. He sat there frozen as the sun rose in the distance. Sadly this time, it offered little warmth.

“I’ll call and text you when I can, okay?” Zagreus said, running his thumb down Than’s glistening cheek.

He said he would, too. Often, even.  _ Silly. I can’t even imagine not hearing your voice. _ They spent the next hours laughing, making more lofty promises, and staring at the small abandoned space they might not see together anymore. In this moment Thanatos truly felt the desire to be a god, if only to be able to stop time and just be with Zag a bit longer.

But he was no god. And so, time passed, and Zagreus eventually left. And though he knew he made a promise, he ended up not visiting the little corner for a while, knowing it wouldn’t be the same.

* * *

The second time was four years later, after one of his dates. He was twenty-three, heart swelling with love, though he wasn’t sure what kind.

His then suitor had dropped him off outside his house. He kissed the man goodbye and walked to his front door, where he paused for a moment until the other’s car was out of sight. Deciding he needed a moment alone, he began walking to that little corner. Practically gliding past the familiar trees and rocks, sounds and smells, guided purely by muscle memory.

When he arrived, his skin was flushed and damp from the summer air, and his hands even more slippery from sweat as he clutched a small bouquet he’d been given. The gilded card was visible even in the scant evening light:  _ “To: Thanatos, From: Ares” _

He stood there by the pomegranate tree in silence once more. And the tears... they came seemingly out of nowhere. There was a pang in his heart, and his breath caught. Even he was surprised.

It felt so foreign, crying here without anyone to hold him. Then and there, the place seemed more like a box he was trapped in rather than the quaint secret garden that it was. His grasp on the bouquet tightened, and he cluelessly dug his finger into a thorn. He winced but remained still.

He looked back on the hours prior. Why was he crying, when everything seemed to have gone well? What did he do?

Was it his unease towards certain questions during dinner? “How would your family think of me, I wonder?” Ares had asked.  _ I don’t know. I don’t think I want to take it there yet,  _ Thanatos pondered, and simply shrugged.

Was it how soon he ended their lovemaking? “Does it hurt? Should we stop?”  _ I’m sorry. I was tense, and couldn’t concentrate,  _ he told him, after noticing how much his fingernails have mindlessly dug into his partner’s back. Not that the other minded, but in Thanatos’ case, he felt little else but the ache in his own body.

Was it his reluctance to meet again when asked during the car ride home? “Will you be free next Sunday?” He simply shook his head.  _ No. It’s Zagreus’ graduation that day. I have to be there.  _ “I’m sorry, I can’t. Thank you for tonight, though. It was lovely.”

He wasn’t lying; it was in fact lovely. He was courteous, straightforward … respected his needs in bed. Handsome and down to earth. But when he looked at him, there were no figurative butterflies fluttering about, no whimsy dreams to be gods in their own little world, no desire to dance with him in the faint moonlight under a certain pomegranate tree…

…Things he would feel with his dearest friend, and his dearest friend only. But he was living across the country, pursuing his own love, chasing his own dreams… Who was he to Zagreus at this point, if not a mere memory?

_ Well, if that is all I am, I pray I am a cherished one, at the very least. _

A soft buzzing in his pocket interrupted his thoughts. It was his phone, displaying a recent text from his suitor. He opened it, and realized he had been there for forty minutes.

_ “It was a wonderful evening with you, my dear. Take care of yourself.”  _ It said.

_ “It truly was. Thank you, Ares,”  _ he promptly sent back.

He typed some more. _ “Though I’m sorry that I won’t be able to meet you again anytime soon, or ever for that matter. I am…unsure of my feelings, and don’t feel like pursuing this. But you are amazing, and know that I do not regret the time I’ve spent with you.”  _

He did not send it yet. Instead, he decided to walk home.

When he arrived, his brother Hypnos was hunched over the dining table. He gazed at the clock. 12:30 AM. He surmised that he had fallen asleep there waiting for him to get home. It made him smile, albeit tired. He approached Hypnos to tell him to go to bed, and he jerked, causing some cutlery to fall to the floor.

“O-Oh, Thanatos, you’re here!”

“I am, Hypnos. You can go upstairs now.”

“A-hahaha, right, right! By the way, there’s cheesecake in the fridge...” He said, his voice fading into a yawn.

“I’m not really hungry, but I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks.”

Hypnos headed upstairs, but Thanatos stayed behind for a bit. He got himself a glass of water and sat by himself on the couch, where he felt his eyelids getting heavier by the second. He took one last sip of his drink, then looked at the message he had typed earlier. He exhaled, and then pressed send.

* * *

The third time was unusual, and unexpected. Thanatos was twenty-five, and Zagreus twenty-three. Both were living their separate lives like clockwork - navigating through adulthood, working, doing errands, and in Thanatos’ case, studying (again). It had been six years since Zag moved, and at this point the distance seemed matter of fact to both of them.

He was tending to his brother Charon’s store, passing the time by staring idly at a book Zagreus had mailed to him a few days after his graduation...

... A ceremony that Thanatos had woefully missed, because he was stuck at home recovering from a bad flu.

“Gods above, why did it have to be now...” He had said, muttering curses under his raspy breath as he shuffled through a wooden box.

“Shouldn’t have stayed out that night,” Hypnos replied, skimming the trinkets his brother was laying on his bedside table. He saw him roll his eyes in response.

“Ah, this one.” Thanatos picked up a small jewelled butterfly. “Give this to him along with the card, will you?”

“Oooh, now this is something I haven’t seen in a while!” Hypnos inspected the butterfly in awe, recognizing it as the one their mother had given twenty-something birthdays ago. He also beamed at the mention of a card. “Where is the card? Do you want me to draw something on the cover?”

“I... well, what would you draw?” Thanatos asked, sniffling.

“I don’t know, you two, I guess?”

His brother blushed. “I would rather you draw something ... less obvious.”

“Aww, but where’s the fun in that?” Hypnos insisted.

“Ugh. Please. I’m also aware of how you draw me with a permanent scowl, you know.”

“... You’re telling me that’s not an accurate portrayal?”

He sighed in defeat, and pressed a hand against his temple. “Dammit, Hypnos.”

He eventually gave in to Hypnos’ insistence. In a matter of seconds his brother was slouched over his desk with his fountain pen in hand and some gold ink. He didn’t actually see what he had drawn until Zagreus received it and took a picture of it for him. He was prepared to be mortified, but then he saw it: two figures (presumably them) on opposite corners of the card, looking up at the same waxing moon in the center, surrounded by a sea of constellations.

_ “I love it. And I’ve read the contents, too. Brb, I think I’m going to cry,”  _ he had sent after it.

He found himself staring longingly at the illustration, wondering how Hypnos had come up with it. Maybe at one point, in a rare moment of drunken vulnerability, he had mentioned to Hypnos how much he truly loved Zagreus? But if that was the case, he was surprised his brother even remembered. Maybe he was just more perceptive than he let on.

Suddenly the bell on the front door rang, shaking Thanatos out of his reminiscing. “Good morning,” he greeted the customer who just entered, who nodded and smiled back.

He then glanced back at the book in his hand. It was a novel by Zagreus’ adviser Achilles, and from what he had read so far, a story of adventure, loss, and nurturing one’s grief. Zag often told him how much he admired the man, and he could see why. From his writing he seemed earnest and sagacious, a good role model. He told Than of the personal love story that inspired it, which he found himself envious of, much to his dismay.

He sighed. At this point he was used to the longing, the missing. It was as routine to him as part timing at the store, or going for a jog at three, or attending evening school. As routine as texting Zag good morning and goodnight, and reminding Hypnos to eat his breakfast or take meds. As routine as visiting that little corner to watch the sunset…

He lazily flipped through the book, and noticed a piece of yellow paper stuck in between the end pages. He pulled it out, immediately identifying the messy penmanship on it as Zagreus’. He’d never seen it before, nor had been told about it by Zag. He squinted, pressed his glasses to his nose, and began reading it.

_ “I’m sorry I wasn’t braver. I’m sorry I didn’t have the words for it then. I’m sorry I made you cry that night. I’m sorry I couldn’t ask for forgiveness in person, and that you had to find out from this dumb note. I said a long time ago under that tree back home that I would always go the extra mile for you, even lay down my life for you, and I meant that. It’s funny, knowing that was how much I was willing to do, and it never occurred to me. Or maybe it did, but I couldn’t say it, because I was young and dumb and overwhelmed. _

_ “I love you. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. Just wanted to let you know, now that I’m sure of it.” _

Thanatos paused. He set the note down and stared at the back of his hand for a moment. He was confused how to feel—relieved, dumbfounded, overjoyed?

A paying customer got his attention and he quickly turned to entertain them. But as soon as he was done, he grabbed his phone to text his friend.  _ “You weren’t going to tell me about the note, Zag?” _

Zag replied sooner than he expected:  _ “What note?” _

Followed a few seconds later by:  _ “...Oh.” _

_ “I’m not mad. I.. I feel the same, actually. Do you... want me to call you about it?” _

Two minutes passed. No response. 

Ten minutes. Two hours. 

_ “Zag?” _

_ … Damn it. _

He went on with his day: finished his shift, had lunch, went for a jog. He waited for a response, anything. And still nothing. Drove to evening school, slogged through classes, and bought some groceries. Nothing.

He was restless that night, waiting for a response. Nyx commented on his unease, something she doesn’t usually do unless it was so blatant. He tried to hide it but she knew - she probably always had.

It was much later, just before bed, that he got the response he was waiting for - a frantic phone call from Zagreus, no less.

“Than, I am so sorry! So I booked a flight, and things got mixed up with the company, and father got involved and I had to call him to explain so.. I’m so sorry I couldn’t answer!”

Thanatos choked. “What??”

“Haha, long story short, I booked a flight there! And I may have accidentally used my father’s card so there was some confusion-“

“You idiot... Why?”

“Because, I wanna see you! And talk to you about this whole ... thing! About time I did! Don’t worry, I got everything covered!!”

“D-Don’t you have work?”

“Maybe? But it’ll be fiiiiine,” Zag persisted. “And, uh, I have to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow okay? I realized I haven’t packed because of that whole thing.”

“Oh, alright. I see, I see. Take care… Zag.”

Thanatos hung up, and took a deep breath, processing the conversation that just took place.  _ This… isn’t a dream, is it?  _ He slept that night, convinced that it was, but when he woke up the note was still there, as well the logs of their phone calls. __

Somehow, it didn’t need to be said. The next day, when Zag arrived, he knew where they were going to meet. He texted mid-afternoon that he was almost there, but Than had already been waiting since his shift at the shop ended.

He was sitting on the ground when Zagreus arrived, and Thanatos almost couldn't believe it. He looked different... more radiant, more refined. He knew from the pictures, but seeing him up close like this almost gave him whiplash. He was gorgeous. Tanner skin, sharper eyes... even had a bit of a stubble. The scars on his face from falling from trees and getting wiped out in the sea have faded a little, but the playful smirk he so loved was still there. And was that … the butterfly on his hair?

“Hey there, Than. What do you say, for old time’s sake?” He stood there, arms wide open and eyes twinkling. Right there. Within Thanatos’ reach. And so he threw himself into Zagreus’ arms, relishing in this embrace he hasn’t felt in six years. They ended up on the dirt, like they always did.

Once they did, they talked of the past: the various injuries Zag had sustained under that pomegranate tree, the time Than carried Zag home to Nyx to have his arm splinted, the time Zag casually told Than, “I’m not strong, but I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe,” to which the other rolled his eyes, despite knowing he would do the same.

They talked of their time apart: university, their various failed dates, and how each one made them realize even more that they wanted each other instead…. the unsent texts and the unsaid words…

Lastly, they talked of dreams: to live together someday (they will find a way), to dance in beautiful places, to travel the world and just … be.

“I thought you would never find the note. And when you told me you did, I had to own up to it somehow, you know? Feels strange to just leave you hanging like that...” Zagreus admitted.

It was then that Thanatos felt the familiar lump in his throat. “You didn’t have to. I love you either way. But you’re here now, and I’m grateful.”

“I have to leave again for work tomorrow, though. I’m sorry I can’t stay long.”

“It’s fine. Are you gonna use your father’s credit card again?”

Zagreus scoffed. “It was an honest mistake, okay…” His voice trailed off, then he looked at his companion - his friend, his beloved - content and unwavering. “I love you. I really do. It feels nice to say.”

And just like that, the tears fell. Like old times indeed. The tears fell, but this time from both of them. With puffy eyes they watched the sun again, like gods above their domain. Instead of ambrosia they had homemade juice, and instead of laurel crowns they had the stray bits of leaves on their hair.

The third time Thanatos wept in this little corner - the one with the old pomegranate tree and the half-buried sculpture - he wasn’t alone, and it wasn’t from longing, nor emptiness... it was from overwhelming joy. Zagreus would know, because when he kissed him that afternoon (the sweetest he’s ever had in his life), they found themselves needing to part quite a lot, because he just couldn’t stop smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written a fic in two years, so I apologize if there are some errors or inconsistencies. It's just a self-indulgent angst piece I decided to write in the middle of an art burnout (I was sad and needed an outlet, huhu). Anyway if you've made it this far, thank you for reading :)


End file.
